


Je ne regrette rien

by NobodysBloodyPrincess



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Break Up, Established Relationship, M/M, Multi, Post-Break Up, Tony Feels, Tony-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-26 19:47:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13864752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NobodysBloodyPrincess/pseuds/NobodysBloodyPrincess
Summary: It was the type of thing that, had it not happened to him, he would have dismissed it as some stupid cautionary tale told by prudes and Republicans. But last night when he laid in bed listening to thunder roar, he wondered how his life became the kind of sordid ice-breaker acquaintances tell each other after a couple of drinks to put everyone in similar moral groundAfter five years of ups and downs, Tony will try to move on and keep breathing.





	Je ne regrette rien

It was the type of thing that, had it not happened to him, he would have dismissed it as some stupid cautionary tale told by prudes and Republicans. But last night, as he laid in bed listening to thunder roar, he wondered how his life became the kind of sordid ice-breaker acquaintances tell each other after a couple of drinks to put everyone in similar moral ground. Time, distance and experience made him want to deconstruct the past five years and break them into pieces small enough to swallow without needing to swallow a bottleful of pills. 

 

The days in Malibu were different than in New York, they smelled like humidity and tasted like salt, but nights were trickier to differentiate. Some nights he fooled himself into believing he was still in his New York apartment, waiting for one of his boyfriends to come home, until sleep finally claimed him. 

 

He was honestly proud at how well he was holding up, he supposed age had something to do with that. Had this happened in his thirties he would’ve drank himself right into the emergency room, in his twenties- he would’ve overdosed. Thankfully he was in his late forties and he’d been around long enough to want to see life through, even if he currently didn’t want to. 

 

‘At first it’d been great’, wasn’t that what they always said? Well in his case, at first it hadn’t been so great. He met Steve and Bucky at a charity art gala six years ago and boy… had they been a sight to behold. Tony took in each feature and groped their broad, muscle-y glory with his eyes before finally strutting over, a drink in hand to talk to them. They became friends that night, conversation flowing easily between them as they joked and teased each other as if they hadn’t just met. They exchanged phone numbers and arranged to meet for dinner two weeks later. They’d been friends, Bucky and Steve had been together for eight years already and Tony found himself becoming great friends with a nice couple. They saw each other often enough, Bucky and Steve often invited him over to their apartment to kick back and have some beers, something Tony immensely enjoyed. 

 

He’d been vulnerable back then… friendless. Not because he didn’t have any friends but rather because all his friends weren’t in New York. Rhodey could only visit when he was on leave and being the career military man that he was, he wasn’t on leave much. Bruce was all the way in Pasadena at Caltech and Strange’s schedule was a bitch to work around. 

 

‘I was lonely.’ He thought.

 

Which is why he’d embraced his new friends in such a ‘stalkery’ way. Pepper had been happy for him at first, probably relieved to know he was interacting with other humans in a healthy way but as months passed she became increasingly concerned. 

 

“You’re seeing them every second day Tony, that’s not normal. Don’t you think they need space?”

 

No he didn’t, because they always invited HIM. 

 

‘Hey Tones, coming over Wed? I’m making Pasta’ – Steve  
‘Yo genius let’s do something this weekend I’m bored’ –Bucky

 

It was relentless. A fucking relentless attack on his loneliness until the feeling finally folded and he caved in to their warmth. Then one sad, rainy evening after a particularity shitty day Tony was sitting on their couch, in Steve and Bucky’s apartment, his feet up on Bucky’s lap being massaged when it hit him, he was in love with them. 

 

Being in love with two people at once is interesting. Being in love with two people at once who only saw him as a friend and who were already together, was not. 

 

He tried to put up with the friend charade for over a month before realizing he had to cut his losses and stay away. After all, there was no way Bucky and Steve were just going to open up their arms to him and welcome him into their committed relationship. 

 

So Tony started dating more aggressively. 

 

‘Should’ve fucking continued’ He thought… and meant it. Maybe if hadn’t just gone on two dates, maybe if he’d actually been serious about dating Dr. Helen Cho he wouldn’t be here right now.

 

But he was here, he was here because after just three weeks of nothing but texts from Tony, Steve and Bucky ambushed him in his penthouse and proceeded to both kiss and fuck him senseless. Tony had in all honesty, never stood a snowball’s chance in hell of coming out of this unscathed.

 

‘But I was happy… we were happy.’ And they had been even if it turned out neither Steve or Bucky had any plan on what to do after confessing to Tony and having the hottest threesome of their lives. They’d laid in bed, all three of them sated, happy, exhausted and brainstormed what to do next as if this wasn't life changing whatsoever. 

 

So Tony moved in with them.

 

It would have made more sense for them to move into Tony’s penthouse but even he’d begun to think of Steve and Bucky’s apartment as home so he agreed to move in with them instead. They made do with the space alright, got themselves a bigger bed and moved some things around. Tony made compromises on what he could bring over and how much space it took. He couldn’t very well bring his lab or his equipment so he left it at SI. They made do, they fit.

 

‘Except what did they have to give up? Steve kept his studio.’

 

It’d made sense at the time because Steve’s livelihood was his art but as time went on and the arguments piled, it became a constant thorn on Tony’s side. If they’d just made room for him to at least have a hollo-table installed, he would have been able to spend more time at home instead of the SI lab. But they couldn’t work around it because: “The hollo-table would be too heavy for this flooring, you know this is an old building” and “I need quiet and privacy to paint Tony, and you need the exact opposite to work.” 

 

Excuses, they’d always made excuses as to why they couldn’t accommodate Tony in their lives and yet he turned his own upside down for them, especially after Bucky’s accident. 

 

When Tony got the call from the hospital, his head fizzled like it had when he learned his parents had died. He remembered he ran out of the lab, went to pick up Steve who was in blackout mode at home working on a commission and raced to the hospital with Steve on the verge of a breakdown. He’d surprised himself at how calm and collected he acted as the doctor explained what had happened to Bucky and what they would do next. While Steve lost himself in tears and sobs Tony stood his ground and bore the blunt of the news. They would need to amputate Bucky’s arm because the limb had been pinned beyond salvation by the car when it crashed against a storefront on the sidewalk. 

A freak accident, the doctor called it. A freak accident which took away Bucky’s very soul for a year. The confident training coach who could inspire even the shrimpiest of clients turned into a hollow sculpture who was in pain most of the time and depressed the rest. The confident athlete needed help to do the simplest of tasks while he healed and the physical therapy that came after had Steve and Tony running around like headless chickens just to keep up with work and Bucky’s appointments. 

 

So Tony retired from SI. 

 

He made his long-time assistant CEO, named himself head of Product Development and Research and stepped away from the company to make more time for Bucky’s recovery. It was difficult, with Bucky being so deeply depressed and Steve babying him to the point of obsession, but with time things did get better, even if Tony often felt like they never would. Physical therapy, regular therapy and the realization he was still very much whole eventually brought Bucky back to himself. That’s when Tony began to work on the prosthetic arm that would both revolutionize SI and disassemble his relationship. 

‘I was trying to fix us.’ Tony realized. 

The truth of the matter was that Steve and him had been at each other’s throats for most of Bucky’s recovery. They got along well enough together when Bucky was present but alone, they threw barbs at each other as if they were knives. Of course, Steve’s had always managed to cut right into all of Tony’s insecurities.

 

“I’m sure glad I’m good at birthdays because if it was up to you we would’ve done nothing for Bucky’s”

 

“You’re working late again Tony? Don’t worry about it. I usually assume you’re not in the house to begin with”

 

His relationship with Steve finally disintegrated enough that in the last six months Tony knew what was coming. Didn’t mean it didn’t hurt like a bitch when it finally happened through. Steve waited until Bucky was outfitted with his new arm before breaking the news, and he must have spoken with Bucky first because the brunette spent the majority of the breakup talk crying into his hands and not even looking at Tony. 

 

When the words “I’m sorry, I’m not in love with you anymore” came out of Steve’s lips Tony again felt his head fizzle into a cold numbness. He sat there, stunned as Bucky sobbed harder into his hands, one flesh, one metal, one made by Tony’s own hands. 

 

“Bucky… do you feel the same as Steve?” He’d asked. 

“Nn…o… b’ut I can’t go with ya…”

 

Bucky’s sobbing intensified and Tony caved in. He hugged Bucky like his heart was breaking because it was, he hugged and kissed his hair and assured him it would all be fine before tearing himself away.

 

“Someone will come pick up my stuff in the morning.” He told Steve as he opened the apartment door for the last time. 

 

“I’ll have it ready”

 

He hadn’t cried then, Tony was endlessly proud of that. He’d looked into Steve’s steely eyes and he had not cried, stared into Steve’s big blue eyes, eyes he’d kissed mornings and nights for five years and just whispered:

 

“Goodbye Steve” 

 

“Goodbye Tony”

 

So Tony left

 

He fled that Brooklyn apartment blind with tears and unable to take a breath. That’s how it’d all happened, that was the breakdown of a five year relationship with two men. He hadn’t heard much from them since, Bucky texted him a short “I’m so sorry” two days ago which went unanswered. Interestingly enough, he had heard from Steve and Bucky’s friends. Natasha, Clint and Sam had all texted to check up on him. Was he ok? They were sorry. They wished Tony all the best. 

 

Did anyone else wish Tony all the best? Steve sure didn’t. 

 

“JARVIS, prep the lab and send me all the outstanding projects from SI.”

 

“It’s all ready Sir.”

 

“Thanks J”

 

The Malibu house was a beach house in that it was built to enjoy the beach from inside a comfortable space, but it wasn’t what was typically seen as a beach house. The living room walls were made out of glass and he had an uninterrupted view of the ocean beneath the rocky cliff. Standing right above the spot where the waves crashed against the rock, Tony through about erosion. Someday, the water would hit those rocks long enough that they’d wear down and slowly disintegrate. It was really a metaphor for life, life would beat him down until it finally killed him. But was that what he really wanted? Was he going to spend his life being beaten down and rising back up just to wait for the next wave to come crashing down? Was he going to drown himself in work and projects until the stress of it all gave him a heart attack? 

 

No

 

“J, cancel all that buddy I’m going on a field trip”

 

“Sir?”

 

“Cross-country J, I want to see the good old U.S of A the way our forefathers meant to, road trip.”

 

They’d always talked about going on a roadtrip together, before Bucky’s accident, but the first time around they couldn’t do it because Steve received a last minute commission he just couldn’t turn down. This time around Tony had no excuses, he loaded the Cherooke he’d bought last minute as a Malibu getaway car and drove away with no destination in mind. 

So Tony was on the road for a long time. 

 

He worked a little, mostly just cleaning and upgrading JARVIS’ coding. He’d been working on JARVIS on and off since before meeting Steve and Bucky, and while the AI had been a cool side project then, Tony threw himself into perfecting it now. If he could work out the kinks, he could duplicate the program and market it as JOCASTA for the Stark line of phones. It would much more sophisticated than Siri and they could branch out into home AI systems. As such, JARVIS was the perfect project for the road, it distracted him during the long drives and challenged him with the coding at night in the endless parade of hotels. 

 

He tried not to think about Bucky and Steve, tried to keep them away from his thoughts even if they managed to worm in every day. Like when Bucky's favourite song came on the radio, or when he saw something on the menu Steve would have loved to try. Pepper checked in often, asked him how he was, asked if he was taking care of himself and really, Tony truly was. For the first time in his life Tony was free to do as he wished, he could drive until he got hungry, could sleep until he didn’t want to anymore and if he liked a town, he could stay for as long as he wished. He grew a beard, got new clothes and told anyone who asked that he worked with computers and was on a roadtrip to get over a relationship. People were surprisingly understanding, many were friendly and warm, many were broken themselves. A couple of months later Tony found himself deeply interested in hearing about people’s stories, hearing their struggles, their tragedies, their joys. As he listened to Pat and Angie and Rob, and Tom talk about their kids, spouses, death and money he came to realize that he’d always lived a very sheltered life and like a teenager going out into the world, he wanted to see more. 

 

Eventually he visited Bruce in Pasadena, stayed with him for close to a year, all the while whining about how much better equipped MIT was while using the Caltech labs to test JARVIS. Rhodey visited him there and the three of them spent two weeks having the time of their lives. It was right after Rhodey left that Tony finally gave in to temptation, perhaps because he finally felt strong enough to snoop. Hacking Clint’s Facebook account (it didn’t count as hacking when Clint hadn’t bothered changing his password in all the time Tony had known him),Tony creeped Bucky and Steve. 

 

They were happy. Bucky’s arm was looking great and he had a great big smile in all the pictures he posted. He was slowly building back the muscle mass he’d lost while recovering and was looking more and more like the old Bucky. Steve was also looking great, his art was selling well and there were enough pictures of him and Bucky at gallery parties that Tony figured they were keeping busy. As Tony scrolled back up Steve’s feed he noticed a just posted photo, barely a minute old, one of the three of them… of Steve with his arms around Tony with Bucky’s lips about to kiss Tony’s raised cheek, a huge smile on his face. Tony recognized that picture, it’d been taken forever ago while on a date. Why the hell was Steve Rogers posting a picture of the three of them?

 

The caption read “You don’t know what you have…” 

 

'What the actual fuck?' That wasn’t even the only one, every once in a while one of them posted an old picture of the three of them. Tony chuckled, a sad, pathetic chuckle that was too teary for his dignity. He quickly logged out of the account, told himself that he shouldn’t have come knocking on that door. 

 

“Well, would you get back together with them?”

 

Tony regretted calling Stephen the moment the pompous ass answered but Bruce was out on a date and he needed to talk it out with someone. Plus as much as Tony sometimes wanted to kick Strange, he also appreciated the fellow genius’ insight. 

 

“No”

“Why?”

 

“Because we’d just be repeating the same old story over and over.”  
“Then let them reminisce as much as they fucking want. You’re not even on Facebook”

 

Tony laughed, a rich, happy sound which Strange repeated back at him.  
“Come see me next week.”

 

“To New York? No way buddy.”

 

“I’ll be in San Francisco for a conference. I’m sure there’ll be plenty of beautiful women there and who knows, you might even get laid.”

 

“Asshole.”

So Tony went to San Francisco. 

The conference, as it turned out, was on Neurology (big surprise there) and Tony relished dragging Strange into every available panel despite Stephen’s vocal complaints, if only for the evil pleasure of watching academics sweat in anxiety and panic at Stephen’s questions. 

 

There were indeed plenty of smart beautiful women, just as Stephen had promised and he did indeed get laid but it wasn’t until the last day of the conference that someone really caught his eye. He was tall, broad, well built, had light blonde hair and he was a Pediatrician by the name of William Carmichael. He greeted Stephen like an old friend and when he met Tony, he beamed at the genius and told him how much Stark prosthetics were changing the lives of children in America. Conversation came easy between them and they continued talking at the hotel bar long after Strange retreated to his room with the night’s conquest. 

 

Talking to Will came as easily as breathing. The man was two years older than Tony, was Gay and had a daughter, Emily who was just six years old. He was also an open book and they bounced from subject to subject as if they were speaking in a language only they could understand. Will, it turned out, lived in Santa Barbara which Tony was thrilled to learn since it was so close to Pasadena. They parted ways sometime around four in the morning with the promise that Will would text Tony his address so he could come visit. 

 

Tony did indeed come visit and often. Will was a deeply optimistic man, a trait that reminded him of Steve in the early days of their relationship, but unlike Steve, Will didn’t have big ideals or passionate opinions. He was a strong, confident man who weighed arguments on both ends and usually found a good middle ground. Tony admired him for that and he enjoyed being the focus of the Carmichael household more and more as the weeks turned into months. Emily, Will’s daughter was a tenacious six year old with big blue eyes and light blonde curls (like her father) who decided on day one that Tony just had to be her ‘other daddy’. She wanted to be an engineer when she grew up and felt that Tony was both accomplished and sweet enough to complete their little household. 

 

In true guerilla fashion Emily did her best to win over her potential Stepfather’s heart to the best of her ability. From asking him to read to her at bedtime, to asking him to take her to the playground, Emily charmed Tony so thoroughly that by the time both she and Will officially asked Tony to move in with them (with a cake nonetheless), Tony didn’t hesitate to say yes. 

 

A week later Bruce was helping him load the Cherokee and quipped how nice it was going be to have the house all to himself again after a year. Tony laughed but he pulled Bruce into his arms, squeezing him tight. 

 

“Thanks for everything Jelly bean”

 

“Anytime Tony”

 

Smacking a big, loud kiss on Bruce’s cheek Tony fled quickly to the safety of his car and drove away before Bruce could flip him off.  
Tony was just entering Santa Barbara when JARVIS’ announcement had him pulling into an empty parking lot, his heart racing itself into an early heart attack. 

 

“Say that again J?”

 

“You’ve received a text from Steve Rogers, sir”

 

He’d long since deleted Steve and Bucky’s numbers from his phone, but JARVIS would naturally remember the numbers, he’d come online shortly before the breakup after all. Looking down at his phone Tony could see the message there, clearly, just waiting there, waiting to be read. Taking a long breath Tony opened the text. 

 

‘Hi Tony. It’s Steve. How are you? Hope you’re doing well and taking care of yourself. We heard you’re not in Malibu anymore and you’re not in New York either so I hope this is still the right number. I’m sorry to text you out of the blue like this, but we’d really like to talk to you. We know it’s been over nineteen months since we broke up but the thing is we really miss you. I’m so sorry about everything Tony, about how I acted and how I treated you. I’ve been going to therapy, I know how much you wanted me to go and you were right, it’s really helping. Bucky misses you like crazy, and so do I. We’re so sorry, we still love you Tony.’

 

His hands were shaking when he finished reading and the traitorous tears that filled his eyes dropped quickly and without permission. How dare they? How dare they do this when he’s finally moving on? How dare…

 

The sobs come without warning, loud and mournful. He’d wanted this, wanted this so much for so long. He’d wanted them to come crawling back to him, begging for his forgiveness. Wanted to give into the safety and warmth and comfort of their arms, wanted to kiss Bucky’s full lips, wanted to go to sleep looking into Steve’s eyes, wanted to feel them both inside of him again… he wanted it all. 

 

Tony wept, partly for the memory of what he’d had and partly out of pure righteous anger. He was furious with himself, furious for wanting to drive to New York right now just so throw himself into their arms and forget the last two years ever happened. 

 

“No… No”

 

He inhaled, exhaled and repeated it over and over until his tears dried and the heaving stopped. No, Tony wasn’t doing that again. He wasn’t going to go through hoops of fire just because he felt like that was the only way to keep their love, he wasn’t going to go on fighting with Steve over Bucky’s health. He wasn’t going to sit there and listen to decades worth of childhood stories all the while feeling like a stranger looking inside someone’s home. He was done with being dismissed, and dissed and manipulated by people who loved him and whom he loved back. 

No. He had someone waiting for him right now, someone who accepted him exactly as he was and didn’t ask for more. He even had a kid who wanted him, a little girl who thought the world of him just because he bought her ice cream and was an engineer. If he gave all that up now he would never have the chance again.  
So Tony started the car and continued on his way. 

........... (Years Later)........

New York could change at the drop of a hat and it had, he recognized most of the buildings in Manhattan but on the drive from the airport he’d hardly known anything else. Beside him, Emily was practically bouncing with excitement, her energy so contagious that Tony forgot why he hadn’t come back in eleven years. They would be going back to the tower and staying at his old penthouse for the full launch of Stark AI. Will wouldn’t be joining them until days later but Tony was looking forward to spending some family time with his hubby and daughter before said daughter was off to college. 

 

“Papa, is that it?”

 

“Yeah blueberry, that’s Stark tower alright.”

 

Emily looked between the tower and her father three times with a look of utter shock. 

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

“I told you about the tower!”

 

“Yeah! But you never said anything about… well... y’know being like this, big celebrity person.”

 

“What do you mean? You knew about SI!”

 

“Yeah but to me that’s just your work and you’re my Papa. I guess it never hit me like, just how big this all is, so sue me.” 

 

He laughed, loud and joyous and happy. He was just a ‘Papa’ so someone, and he was perfectly happy with that. 

 

“Pumpkin, what’s my last name?”

 

“Oh shut up!”

 

They laughed together and Tony pulled the girl into his arms when they were out of the car, her arm around his waist, his arm around her shoulders. He never thought he could ever love someone as much as he loved his daughter. Then again he never thought he’d ever be a father to begin with, at first he thought he’d be a spectator who enforced Will’s parenting rules from the sidelines, but William had no interest in that. He encouraged Tony’s parenting more than Tony thought prudent and the outcome was the blue-haired fireball by his side. When he met said fireball eleven years ago, he never could’ve anticipated how much fun he would have raising her. He’d gotten to introduce her to Black Sabbath, Nirvana, and ACDC, got to teach her coding, programming and physics. She was his official executor for things like the creation of their weekly Iron Chef competitions complete with commentator notes and their semi-weekly smoothie experiment. All in all, the past eleven years had both zoomed by and lasted a lifetime. 

 

“Ready Em?”

 

“I think the question is, are you ready Papa?”

 

“Sure! Nothing to fear, just your Aunt Pepper in there ready to terrorize me into submission.”

 

“Aunt Pepper it too cool a cucumber to terrorize, she commands.”

 

Still laughing Tony squeezed the girl’s shoulder, popped a kiss on her blue hair and walked side by side into the tower, oblivious of the Paparazzo furiously clicking away.

 

Tony was too busy the following four days to keep up with the news and Pepper didn’t think it necessary to let him know his return to New York went viral. The gossip magazines were full of headlines about him and his ‘SECRET DAUGHTER!’ but nothing about them was particularly concerning. Emily was barely visible in the shots and after a quick chat with William who assured her that “It’s no big deal Pepper-pot, they’ll see us all together at launch anyway so don’t worry about it.” Pepper let it rest without a word to Tony. 

 

When Saturday morning finally rolled around, all the big decisions had been made and Tony had only to prep his speech for that night. He was just about done with his notes (who was he kidding? He was winging it) when his phone vibrated. Thinking it was Will telling him he was boarding the plane to New York, Tony quickly answered… and chocked. 

For most married couples, the subject of old flames could easily fall under the ‘subjects better not breached’ category. For Tony and William however, that had never been an issue, which was why Tony now sat on the cold bathroom floor of the penthouse, listening to his husband’s voice walk him through a mini panic attack. 

 

“I’m, s’uch an I’diot”

 

“No you’re not. Breathe with me baby, breathe with me, in and out, in and out”

 

“Why, d’id I inv’ite ‘hem?”

 

“Politeness?”

 

“F’uck, polit’ness”

 

“I know baby, I know but listen I’ll be there really, really soon so you don’t have to worry ok? I’ll be there with you when you see them, but I gotta go now, they’re on the last boarding call.”

 

“O’k. Love you”

 

“I love you too” 

 

Lifting himself from the bathroom floor, Tony opened the shower door, pressed for full hot steam and got under the spray. He let the warmth soak his bones and slowly began to wash himself. It was impressive how much of a hold Steve and Bucky still had on him. Random polite texts from them every few years he could do but full on hearing Bucky’s voice after all this time sent him into an anxious mess. He was lucky Emily was downstairs getting her hair and makeup done or else he didn’t know what he would’ve done. 

 

‘Made a fool of himself in front of my seventeen year old daughter most likely,’ he thought. 

 

Worst of all, he didn’t understand why hearing Bucky’s voice caused him to react like that. It had been a nice enough conversation, ‘welcome back to NYC’ and all that. Tony asked how they were doing, Bucky told him they were both doing really well and how they’d like to invite Tony to dinner sometime. Tony said he couldn’t do dinner because he was so busy but that he and Steve could drop by for the after-launch party later on tonight if they wanted. Bucky said yes, they’d love to, Tony said he’d be sure to add their names to the guest list and that had been the end of that.

 

Perfectly polite. So why did he have a panic attack?

 

When Will had last seen his ex (the man who was originally supposed to be Em’s Papa), Will had been the epitome of manly grace and dignity. He’d exhumed hospitality and introduced Tony and Emily to the man with the pride of a king. Yes, later on that same night while in bed Will had cried in Tony’s arms for a good fifteen minutes, but afterwards everything had been fine and they’d made love. Will even spent the following week saying how thankful he was for Tony.

 

So no, Tony would not let them have this effect on him. He would see them, say hello and goodbye and that would be it. He would show Bucky and Steve how well he’d done ‘Behold my daughter and husband,’ he would say and they would shrivel back like vampires before the light of the sun. 

 

“Papa I’m back! Aunt Pepper wants to know if you need the barber and hairdresser to come up!”

 

Staring at his reflection in the mirror, an idea struck, burned and spread. 

 

“Yes I do! And tell her I need the full make-up team too!”

 

He would make Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes eat their hearts out. 

 

The launch was a complete and unequivocal success. Pepper was sure she could hear the anguished cries of their competitors from across the four corners of the earth. Stark Industries was now decades ahead of any phone or home AI system on the market and unlike them, Stark AI could guarantee something their competitors couldn’t- complete customer privacy. Tony Stark had once again blown the competition out of the water with his steadfast work ethic and remarkable intelligence. All in all, she wanted to find Tony, hug Tony and declare him a tech deity. Much to her surprise however, it wasn’t Tony that she found right away but two faces she saw every now and then on the New York art scene. 

 

Steve Rogers, sporting a full beard and mustache and wearing a tux stood beside a man-bun wearing Bucky Barnes who was also in a tux.  
She hadn’t invited them to the launch party and yet there they were, which meant Tony had invited them, which explained why he’d asked for the full glamour team to pretty him up that afternoon. It also explained why Tony was taking longer than usual to arrive… he was most likely freaking out in the limo and poor William was probably trying to calm him down.

 

Letting out one long sigh Pepper turned around before officially making an entrance. She meant to go check up on Tony and William but much to her surprise she saw Emily walking towards her, an excited smile on her pink glossy lips which could only mean all was well in the world. Behind her, Tony and Will appeared, both looking perfectly calm and happy.

 

“Your guests are here” She whispered to Tony as he leaned in to kiss her cheek. 

“Good! There’s a couple someones I’d like to introduce them to.”  


 

“Have fun Mr. Stark.”

 

“I will Mrs. Pots”

 

Tony took his time. 

 

He made his rounds, all the while being fully aware of Steve and Bucky’s gazes on him. Eleven years had not passed unnoticed but age was sometimes kind to beauty and it had been kind to both Steve and Bucky. If anything, they looked even more handsome than they had when Tony first met them. They both had a worldly look to them which felt magnetic, something Tony highly suspected he himself lost sometime in between Pokemon marathons and Will’s stress-baking. Either way, he’d worked hard for his ‘old married man’ look so he was proud.

 

It took him an hour before he finally made it to wonder twins and he felt strong enough by then that he didn’t need to look for Will before approaching them. 

 

“Hi you two.”

 

He said warmly and to his surprise each of them took turns crushing him in a hug. Tony drowned in their colognes for a second before taking two steps back, far enough to clear the air despite their loaded gazes. 

 

They complimented each other awkwardly, half a dozen sentences of “You look great” thrown back and forth. After that first text a decade ago which Tony had returned with polite decline, he’d continued to receive quick “Merry Christmas Tony” or “Happy Birthday Tony” from them every year which he always politely returned.

 

In just two minutes he learned that Steve’s art was selling extremely well and that Bucky now had his own business as a personal trainer. His main clientele were busy career moms, or so he said. 

 

“You should come over, we still live in the same apartment. We could have dinner!”

 

Bucky’s offer was enthusiastically backed by Steve who was all too happy to nod his agreement.

 

“Thanks but we’re only here a few days so I don’t think there’ll be time.”

 

What happened next surprised Tony more than if Bucky’s flesh arm had suddenly grown back before his very eyes, for never in his wildest dreams could he have thought it possible for them to still be interested in him. With their eyes soft and mouths relaxed into a warm smile, they each moved in for the kill and took a step toward him until Steve’s hand was on Tony’s shoulder and Bucky’s hand held the genius’ calloused fingers. 

 

“We’d really love it if you would come over.” 

 

He knew what the proposal meant the moment it was said and he was just in the midst of planning an exit strategy that wouldn't look suspicious when a warm, familiar arm wrapped around his waist possessively.

 

“This must be Bucky and Steve! Tony has told me so much about you! I’m Will, Tony’s husband.” 

 

They recovered quickly, Tony had to give them that. After a brief look of shock at the news, Bucky smiled, charmingly and laughed as if to say ‘Of course!’ but Steve wasn’t as gracious. His smirk turned predatory and his blue eyes bore into Will’s blue with pure rage. 

 

“Husband? I didn’t hear you got married Tony”

“Yeah six years this March.” 

“How nice.”

 

But Tony knew Steve didn’t mean ‘nice’ at all. He looked almost dangerous standing there, looking at Will and suddenly Tony felt like they really needed to have that conversation he never thought they’d have… like right now. 

 

“Will, babe, could you excuse us for just five minutes? I think I need to talk with them alone real quick.”

 

“Sure, I’ll just be over there with our daughter, making sure she doesn’t get into trouble.” 

 

“Yeah sugar you keep that blue haired punk away from those Shirley Temples”

 

Will let out a snorty chuckle at the unexpected joke, Emily’s blue hair was still quite the novelty in their little household, especially because she was such a mellow teenager. 

 

“So just let her have hard liquor then?”

 

“Exactly” 

 

Tony pecked Will’s lips before turning back to the two seething guests before him. He smiled and quickly led them out the conference room and into a small meeting room at the end of the hallway. 

 

Tony's mind was foggy and scrambled when he finally made it back to the launch party. 

 

Half his brain was too shocked to process anything, the other half was moving through the crowd and smiling like a pro. He would never be able to remember exactly what he did after coming back to the party, but both Pepper and Will would tell him he just seemed tired. All Tony would remember of that night was the shock, the surprise and the disbelief. 

 

Tony would remember the sound of Steve’s anguished voice, the feel of his warm hands touching Tony’s face as if there was nothing more beautiful in the world. He would remember the longing in those blue eyes while as Tony squeaked out “But it’s been over ten years Steve!” as if that phrase alone shouldn’t need any further explanation. 

 

“Doesn’t matter to us doll. We’re still madly in love with you.”

 

Bucky had held Tony’s left hand while saying that, all the while looking at the genius with so much love that it made Tony tear up. 

 

“Please Tony, please… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry”

 

Steve’s pleas, spoken against the fabric of Tony’s shoulder would haunt him for the rest of his life. 

 

Tony wouldn’t be able to recall exactly what he said to Steve and Bucky that night. He knew he rambled on, did his best to explain, but he wouldn’t know what he said exactly. He knew he turned them down, gently, probably even told them that part of him would always love them. He knew he said enough, and well enough that Steve and Bucky understood they were over and that no more communication should be attempted. He just didn’t know what he said. 

 

He would remember Steve’s blue eyes, full of love and guilt looking at him as if he held the secret of the universe. He would remember Bucky’s whispered “Thank you for everything” against his ear as he left (had they kissed him goodbye?) and he would remember Steve’s engulfing heat as he embraced Tony one last time. 

 

Later on that night, when William asked his husband what happened with all the curiosity of a High School girl, Tony told him the truth.  
“I’m actually not totally sure… they said they still love me but come on! It’s been over a decade! I mean I’m not that unforgettable! I turned them down of course but I honestly don’t remember how.”

 

William looked into his husband’s wide, confused eyes and smiled gently. He took Tony into his arms, his engulfing comforting arms and tried his best to explain that maybe time didn’t pass the same way for everyone. Maybe what seemed like a lifetime for them both because they’d been busy raising a daughter, was not quite a lifetime for Bucky and Steve. Tony listened to his husband’s voice, took in his words and the meaning behind them and slowly understood what had transpired that evening. Tonight had been Bucky and Steve’s Hail Mary, their chance to fix something they couldn’t forget was broken. 

 

Unfortunately for them, Tony had long since found a way to fix himself and he had no plans of looking back. He was a futurist after all and looking into his husband’s blue eyes, he saw the future. 

So Tony never did cry.

*Revised November 5th 2018

**Author's Note:**

> This story was born out of frustration, frustration at all the Tony/Steve/Bucky stories out there that treat Tony like crap and have Bucky and Steve get away with it. There are many wonderful Tony/Steve/Bucky stories, but there’s also many others which forget that in order for any relationship to work, Poly or otherwise, they need commitment, compromise, communication and love.


End file.
